Tarot Draw #7
One of the greatest experiences I’ve had in the past several years is the opportunity to offer leadership training and mentoring to a group of committed students at Diana’s Grove Mystery School during my time as a staff member. I never really expected to be particularly good at this, but I’ve found rather to my surprise that it not only fed me, but that I brought something to that work that seemed to be really positive for others. Now that I’ve moved on from that affiliation, I know that I want to find a way to offer something similar – not to replicate that experience, but to create something new that meets that need in a different way.
I’ve spent a lot of time over the past couple of months thinking about what form that might take. While I haven’t reached clarity on the form, I have developed at least a partial list of what it might include (Warning: Some sort of rambling on this topic will likely be coming here fairly soon.) Since this has been on my mind so much lately, I decided that it would make for a fine question for my next tarot draw.
Question: What do the cards have to tell me about my intention to start a leadership and mentoring group?
Card: Knight of Wands
First impressions: Wow. That’s a big damn horse, isn’t it? And a very well-armored knight, to boot. Interesting that his visor is up, though. If I really knew something about the tarot, I’d probably have some great insight into that.
About the card: The image here is pretty straightforward, at least on the surface. In the foreground are the aforementioned Big Damn Horse and knight. The horse is rearing back and appears to be kicking out with its front hooves. The knight is wearing full plate mail and is holding a long wooden staff in his right hand while he uses his left to guide the horse. He has a yellow and black tunic over his armor, and fiery plumes on his helmet and at the back of his arm (not really shocking, what with wands being about fire). In the background we can see that the knight is in a desert, and there are either pyramids or large sand dunes in the far background.
The story without words: It’s interesting…if I imagined what a knight looks like, it would pretty much be this picture. Warhorse rearing back, the knight wearing his standard front and center, eyes forward toward whatever might be coming over the horizon…this sounds weird even in my own head (which is saying something) but the description that comes to mind is that this looks like a…hm. A recruiting poster, of all things, or a piece of propaganda. I almost expect there to be a caption about supporting our troops, or the war at home, or something.
Anyway. Let’s put that aside for a moment, because it’s bizarre, and explore two other aspects of the image that strike me as interesting:
- Here’s the thing about the knight’s armor – it’s freaking heavy. Contrary to what my misspent youth (and adulthood) playing tabletop RPGs taught me, one does not wear full plate armor to walk around in. Heck, one does not put the armor on in the first place without a lot of assistance.
- It still seems odd that the knight would be in full plate armor while presumably in the midst of battle or entering battle and not have his visor down. When I look at the card, I can’t help but imagine my mother lamenting that he might put an eye out. Never mind the fact that my mother has never, to my knowledge, suggested that any activity might put out an eye. It just seems like the sort of thing that ought to be said. My mother’s fictional concerns aside, the point here is that it seems weird.
But what does it mean?: Well, these last two points are interesting to me. I’ve been pretty well fixated on the idea of collaboration lately – of engaging in projects and work that involve excellent people who share their talents and knowledge freely with one another. I truly believe that amazing things come from that sort of arrangement. I’d like to believe that collaboration is ultimately the key to sustainability. I’m aware that the idea of the knight being helped into his armor doesn’t really speak to collaboration, as such – that’s more properly service, and not service among equals. But it’s my draw, and my question, so I’m going to interpret it however I want, thank you very much. 
About that visor, now. Looking at that aspect of the card through the lens of my question, I’m given to believe that the knight needs to have a clear view of what he’s approaching more than he needs to be protected. I’m hoping to help create something pretty unique in my experience, and a key component in doing that is to have my eyes wide open from the beginning. But even so, I note that the knight isn’t really free to look everywhere. He can’t look back, or really even to the sides. His field of vision is limited to what lies ahead of him. I’m not a proponent of tunnel vision, mind you, but there’s something to be said for focus. Usually, that something includes me saying, “I really need to figure out how to be more focused.” I like the idea of entering into a new project with my attention focused like the Knight’s here. Not tunnel vision, but with my eyes forward.
Side note: I find it at least vaguely interesting that I’m thinking about the idea of focus while writing my first post using FocusWriter, a minimalist word processor that helps remove distractions by the rather simple expedient of taking up the entire screen with a background and text window. I’m actually a little embarrassed to see how much difference that makes for me – just the fact that I can’t see my open browser tabs and other applications in the taskbar puts them out of mind really effectively. Obviously I’ve just started using it, but so far I really like it.
Terrified
Today’s installment of Sinfest
If you’re the sort who enjoys webcomics and Sinfest isn’t on your regular list, I humbly submit that it should be. I don’t think I’d recommend starting from the beginning, since that would involve beginning from comic #1, which is dated January 17, 2000. Today’s comic is #4,146.
(As an aside, there have been 4,378 days between January 17, 2000 and January 12, 2012. In other words, there have been 232 days without a comic. In the last twelve years. The mind boggles more than a little.)
In any case – I wouldn’t suggest plowing through the full archives. But do consider reading, even if you just start from today’s rather beautiful strip about love, inspiration, and abject terror. I can’t help but feel for Fuschia here as she confesses her angst to the kindly coffee shop owner.
Writing discipline
I just finished reading a short interview with Cory Doctorow where he talked about his discipline around writing every day – setting a word count and meeting it every single day. I’ve heard that before, and it sounds incredibly daunting to me. But he also talked about the fact that sometimes his word count goal is 200 or 250 words, if he’s busy with his other 972 projects that day. Like Doctorow, I type 70-80 words per minute. Writing 250 words in a day should be nothing, right? Of course, that would be 91,250 words over the course of a year. The thing that really boggled my mind, though, was this:
“When I hit that word target I stop. Period. I stop in the middle of a sentence, so I can start the next day without having to think of anything.”
Whoa. That’s…insane? Ridiculous? Amazing? Brilliant? I have no idea. It’s certainly nothing I’ve ever contemplated before.
Anyway. I’m not ready to commit to writing every single day, but reading Doctorow’s thoughts about doing so reminds me that I really do enjoy writing when I get in a groove of doing it *regularly*. I’m also really aware of how poorly disciplined I am about this. For instance, I was just thinking, “Hey, I’m doing great with the blog this year.” Then I noted that I’ve posted exactly twice in 12 days, and the most recent post was 6 days ago. That doesn’t really qualify as “great” in my book. To that end, then, I’m going to work on a tarot post today, and will get it posted by the end of the day Friday. Assuming, of course, that I don’t hit my word count target and stop in the middle of a -
Tarot Draw #6
Well, it’s 2012. Now begins the period of time where the nights get colder, good Chicagoans have reason to complain about the weather, and I write the wrong year on my checks for the next couple of months. Happily, this time of year lends itself to a rather obvious focus for a tarot draw. So, let’s do this – tarot draw #6, at last.
Question:What card will be an ally in the coming year?
Card: The Wheel of Fortune
First impressions: Um. Shit. My lack of expertise in the Tarot is, I think, well-documented here (enough so that I’m tempted to create a template along the lines of, “I don’t know a damn thing about these cards, but…” to go with each post), but even I have some reaction to this card. When a friend who’s inclined to tell me what their year card is tells me that they’re entering a Wheel year, I know enough to shake my head and say, “Oof.”
About the card: There’s a lot going on in this card. Let’s start in the middle and work our way to the edges. In the center of the cards is, um…a wheel. Go figure. There are a number of symbols on the wheel that I have to confess I don’t recognize at all. A sphinx is atop the wheel, holding a sword. On the left is a snake, and to the lower right there’s an Anubis-like creature. In the corners of the cards, in the clouds, we have four winged creatures – a lion, a bull, a bird that I kind of want to call a phoenix and a person (my Catholic upbringing wants me to call any person with wings an angel, naturally). Each of these creatures has an open book.
The story without words: With the center of the card dominated by a non-living image, I don’t get an immediate story to attach here. I’m sort of intrigued by the creatures in the corners, though. I note that none of them appears to be writing in the book they hold, which leads me to conclude that they’re reading instead. Either that or they’re each holding a book and wondering, “Why the hell am I up in a cloud with an immense wheel in front of me? Also, is that sphinx going to whack me with that big damn sword?”
Okay, let’s go with reading.
But what does it mean?: So what I “know” about the Wheel is that it symbolizes change. There are things that happen in the world that we can’t control. Many people view those things as the hand of god, or of fate – that is, they view it in the context of something that’s directed in some way. I don’t really go in for that, as a rule. I note that the card is called the Wheel of Fortune, not Fate. I believe pretty strongly that we all face challenges in the world and our circumstances, not because of some divine structure but because stuff happens. Some of that stuff is good, some is decidedly not good…but most of it simply falls in between. Most stuff exists in a sort of quantum state that both sucks and is awesome – our observation of that stuff, and what we do with that stuff, has some impact on it, of course, but in my experience most “stuff” has impacts that aren’t so easily categorized until much later.
That said…stuff happens, and none of us can be fully prepared for it. But the point of the card seems to be that just because I’m not completely prepared doesn’t mean that I’m helpless. I have tools – the sword that the sphinx holds can be seen as that sharp edge of discernment that I can use to cut away what doesn’t serve me (or some of it, anyway). Apparently there are flying bulls with books I can borrow, too. I have knowledge, and stories, and symbols, and from time to time I have the sense to make use of all of these things to deal with what’s happening around me. The world is rich in tools and lessons, if I but have the wit to realize that what is going on now is not what will be going on then.
Not a bad ally to have in a year that promises to include a whole lot of change, now that I think about it.
In defense of consumption
I’ve been thinking a lot about the winter season this year – call it Yule, or Christmas, or the Solistice, or Agnostica, or whatever you like. I’m not referring to any specific holiday or label, just the season in general. One of the common complaints – one that I often share, mind you – this time of year focuses on the combination of commercialization and consumption that seems to be an inevitable part of our culture. At a time when many people are lacking in resources, it seems like the height of foolishness to overspend on gifts…and yet this seems to be the norm. I find myself often among those decrying this trend each year, even as I also find myself to be a *part* of the trend to some extent. This inconsistency is probably something I should explore as part of my effort to improve myself, but that’s a different topic entirely.
This year, though…I don’t know. I’ve been thinking a bit more about the origin of our seasonal celebrations, and it occurs to me that this trend of consumption isn’t all that far off from those origins. Consider: At the winter solstice, a celebration has long been the custom. A time to celebrate being alive, and to hail the too-slow return of the light. Feasting at this time of year served a purpose both practical and symbolic. Practically, the livestock couldn’t all be fed through the winter months, and meat that had been brought in from the hunt would of course spoil, so it needed to be eaten. There’s also something to be said for ensuring that everyone was as well fed and healthy as possible as the winter months truly began. For the symbolic side, I think it’s pretty simple. There is a need to *feel* like there is plenty to go around, even when – or especially when – that feeling is so fleeting. I tend to believe that the feast at the solstice was both a celebration for the clan and a sort of wake for those who would not survive the winter.
Today, of course, the practical reasons aren’t exactly germane. At least in our culture, we have these useful things like refrigeration and food preservation. It’s not as though one of my housemates happened to come home with a turkey that we absolutely had to eat before it spoiled (though to be fair, I certainly ate last weekend as though there was some danger of that happening). And of course, today’s version of overconsumption in the winter season (at least in our culture) often takes the form of overspending as much as anything else. I think, though, that this overspending fulfills a symbolic role similar to long-standing seasonal celebrations and feasts. There is still a need to feel as though our resources – whether in the form of food, or money, or time – are abundant. To celebrate for the sake of celebration, even when we know that we might lament our choices when we look back at them in just a few weeks.
Don’t get me wrong – I’m not suggesting that this is a particularly healthy pattern. But this year I’m finding that I have a little more sympathy for the instinct that’s underneath that pattern. At the very least, I think I’ll be less likely to dismiss that overconsumption as being somehow contrary to the “true meaning” of this season.
Tarot Draw #5
So, it’s been about 2 weeks since my last tarot post. That whole “I’ve missed posting here and I want to do more of it” thing hasn’t exactly led to an upswing of writing so far, apparently. I’m clearly still struggling a little bit with setting a routine around regular writing for the website, though I’ve managed to finish a couple of other non-website related pieces of late.
In any case, I actually drew a card last week and just haven’t gotten around to writing anything about it until now. In a shocking development, the question is job-related. I’ve spent some time recently reflecting on what kind of work I really want to do, and this draw was related to that reflection.
Question: What’s one thing my next job needs to include in order for me to be content?
Card: Two of Cups
Two of Cups
First impressions: Huh. This card has always screamed “Relationships” to me. I certainly haven’t looked at it through a professional or otherwise work-related lens before.
About the card: The card contains just two people, a man and a woman. They’re both well-dressed and are facing each other in the center of the card. Each of them is holding a big damn cup – the woman is holding hers in both hands, while the man is holding onto his cup in his left hand and reaching out to hers with his right. Between the couple there’s a caduceus and above that a winged lion’s head. In the background there’s a pretty little scene with low hills and a building that looks to me like a cottage or house.
The story without words: The scene here reads pretty strongly as a wedding. There’s clearly something ceremonial about the way the way the cups are being held…or exchanged, really, now that I look at it again. Rather than the man reaching out toward the woman’s cup, maybe he’s just handed it to her and is pulling his hand back instead. That makes quite a bit more sense, actually (I mentioned before that I’m slow, didn’t I?). The caduceus symbolizes balance and healing, which certainly fits with the notion of this being a commitment ceremony of some sort.
But what does it mean?: Looking at the card, I’m reminded of Kahlil Gibran’s words about marriage in The Prophet, which include the following:
Fill each other’s cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together, yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.
Gibran’s words speak pretty clearly to my own feelings about partnerships of any sort – be they romantic, platonic, or professional. My best relationships have always been about exchange, and the best projects I’ve worked on – professionally or not – have ultimately been about collaboration. What really feeds me, what I really crave, is that sense of working with a team of excellent collaborators. And that’s really what I see in this card – individuals coming together to create something new, something unique. The fact that there are just two individuals in the card and they’re pretty obviously getting hitched is, at least in the context of my question, beside the point. Mind you, I don’t know if my next paid work will include this kind of collaborative exchange, but even if it doesn’t, this card is a good reminder that that is something I want in my life.
In which I begin crafting a manifesto
For those of you eagerly anticipating my next round of ill-conceived thoughts about the Tarot, fear not. I will be demonstrating even more of my ignorance in that area soon enough. For now, though, I fear I must subject you to some other rambling instead.
This afternoon, an acquaintance who I quite like posted something on Facebook that I desperately wanted to respond to, and damn the inevitable invoking of Godwin’s law that would eventually follow. Despite my efforts, though, I was unable to formulate a coherent response that I was happy with. The problem (other than the fact that I was seething with frustration and no small amount of anger at what I sincerely hope is ignorance on his part) is simply that I couldn’t find a clear place where I knew our worldviews to intersect. Without being able to establish that bit of common ground, I couldn’t point to a place where those views began to diverge. Ultimately I think any useful conversation between us would have had to start with, “In the beginning,” and let’s be honest – a Facebook comment thread is probably not the best place for that sort of discussion.
I’m still left with that irrational desire to list all of the reasons my acquaintance’s beliefs are misguided, but instead of that I am going to try something marginally more positive. So. In response to no demand whatsoever, popular or otherwise, here’s a partial list, in no particular order, of things I believe about the world. After much consideration, I’m giving it the title, “Things Jason Believes About The World (A Partial List, Arranged In No Particular Order).” Catchy, isn’t it?
- All full-time jobs should provide a living wage for the person working.
- Medical care is a human right. Sick people ought to be able to go to the doctor.
- A world-class education should be incredibly expensive to the government and completely free to students. If you’re smart enough and motivated enough to get into a school, and you make the grade while you’re there, it should be covered.
- If marriage must be a state institution (and it shouldn’t, by the way) then any configuration of consenting adults should be afforded the same access to it as heterosexual partners currently do. There are legal and financial benefits associated with state-sanctioned marriage, and to deny those benefits to any adult member of society is a violation of their civil rights.
- Food is not a privilege, it is a human right. So is medical care. So is shelter.
- My taxes are too low. So are yours. Food isn’t cheap, shelter is expensive, and medical care is astronomical. Education is incredibly pricey. If my tax dollars go to feed, house, clothe and care for my sisters and brothers, and if they are earmarked for education, then I say this: Raise. My. Taxes.
- Many drugs probably aren’t as bad for you as large amounts of alcohol.
- Collaboration is way more fun than competition.
- Any system designed to help people will be imperfect. These systems should be studied, improvements should be made. The imperfections in the systems are not an excuse for not helping people.
- Americans ought to stop fetishizing bootstraps.
- I think it’d be a nice idea if the government listened to its constituents with legitimate complaints rather than sending the authorities in with pepper spray.
- Some crimes are abominations. Capital punishment is one, too.
- Success takes many forms. I won’t mock yours if you don’t mock mine. As the man said, “Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away.” (Related mental note: I should probably stop making jokes about people driving big SUVs compensating for other shortcomings.)
Tarot Draw #4
As I settle into my job search (it’s going fairly well, all things considered, and thank you to those of you who have asked), I’m finding a somewhat surprising lack of perceived time for writing. I have a bit of freelance work going on at the moment, and that’s work I can do from home – which is a blessing that I’ve never had before, and in a lot of ways I love it. In some ways, though…well, I’m realizing just how set some of my patterns are. The computer I use for the freelance project is one that’s never really been used for work before. It’s a happy little netbook that I’ve used almost exclusively for either writing or (let’s be honest here) futzing about on the internet. And while I can take a break from work at any time, I’m finding that I have a curious block when it comes to actually writing for pleasure in the physical space where I’m working.
All of which is to say, it’s been 8 days since my last post, and I’ve missed it. I’ll try and do better.
Recently, an idea was posted to the email list used for Mystery School – basically, the suggestion was made to use the Tarot to look for something to take into the mysteries of the coming year. That felt like a good place to go with my next draw, so without further ado…
Question: What is one thing I can take with me into the coming year?
Card: Ten of Pentacles
Ten of Pentacles
First impressions: Wow. There’s a lot going on in this card. People and dogs and buildings, oh my! This is one of the (many) cards that I have no background with whatsoever, so this should be interesting.
About the card: In the foreground, we have an old gentleman sitting down, facing away from us. He’s sitting down and wearing what look like very lavish (and certainly very colorful) robes. I’m not sure what all of the designs on the robes are, but there are what appear to grapes in the design somehow, though this might just be me looking for something that isn’t really there. Anyway, our old guy is petting a dog and looking out through an archway upon what feel to me like his holdings (we can see a field and some trees in the background, along with some buildings). On the inside of the arch are a couple of banners, one with a castle in the design – it feels like a coat of arms of sorts, so I’m reading the old guy to be either a lord or at least the most influential person around these parts.
There are 3 other people in the scene: A younger man, facing away from us and toward a woman, who has a small child standing beside her. The child is petting the rump of another dog.
The story without words: When I look at a card, generally I’m waiting a day or so before writing about it. Mostly that’s out of laziness and lack of time, but this time that delay was kind of useful, because I missed something rather obvious on the first viewing. At first, I read the younger man and the woman as a couple having a conversation. The obvious narrative conclusion was that they were the parents of the small child. But when I looked at the card again today, I saw that the man is actually holding a spear. Noticing one item changes “husband” into “guard”. More to the point – it changes the younger man from being “the woman’s husband” to “the old man’s guard”.
Funny, how adding a weapon shifts the narrative so fundamentally.
The story I’m seeing here, now, is that the woman is seeking entrance to the older man’s home for some reason, and the younger man is at least questioning her, and perhaps keeping her out entirely. The presence of the child makes it *feel* like she’s looking for aid of some sort, but I’m not sure why. The older man is dressed rather extravagantly, to be sure, but nobody in this image is wearing a beggar’s rags or anything.
I think I liked the card a little better before I saw the spear, actually – then it was an old rich guy watching a couple talk outside his house. Now, I’m wondering about whether or not he’s even going to give the woman the time of day.
But what does it mean?: I’m not getting a whole lot from the card, honestly, other than a general sense of material wealth on the part of the older man. There also seems to be…hm. This is harder to define, for me. A sense of propriety, or convention, I guess. It doesn’t seem like the woman and her child are being turned away out of hand, but I do get the idea that there’s a particular way that one is expected to approach those with wealth, and the older man wants those forms to be followed.
How that actually speaks to my question about the future, I have no idea. I don’t feel like I’m taking a lot of material wealth and plenty into this coming year, and I’d like to think that part of what I can do with the coming year is to set aside some convention. I’d like to find ways to do more of what I love and have less of a sense of obligation. I’d like to feel at ease with less, rather than feel like I’m trapped in a particular job because of the perceived financial security it offers.
They aren’t all going to smack me upside the head with obvious insights, apparently. Also, one of these days I’ll stop turning all draws into questions about my job search. Probably not anytime soon, mind you, but one of these days.
Adventures in home ownership
I’ve had a pretty productive week so far. Monday I finished the first draft of my updated resume and distributed it to the friends who have generously agreed to review it. On Tuesday I ran a bunch of errands, got some work done around the house, and did some research into other careers I might want to consider beyond the training realm (not sure how far I want to branch out yet, but it’s a good exercise that I should have completed a long time ago). Tomorrow will be pretty full, with a meeting about a freelance gig in the morning, followed by lunch and dinner plans – a whole day out in the suburbs. What a treat! Tomorrow will also include some of the mounds of paperwork to send back to my previous employer. Nothing huge going on, but I’m grateful to have enough on my schedule to have some routine to my week so far.
Having said that, I decided that today would be a day off. I have a few other things percolating that will need attention later in the week, and…well, look. I might as well enjoy some of the enforced time off, right? So the grand plan for the day was to sleep in (haha, yeah right), make breakfast, go to the library, maybe do some writing, and then see just how much television I can enjoy in one afternoon. Exciting goals, I know.
Given this ambitious plan, the discovery at around 7:30am that there was a foul and mysterious odor1 emanating from the laundry room in the basement did not amuse. Some discussion over coffee revealed that the odor was most likely related either to the hot water heater that serves the second floor or the dryer (which was running at the same time). After some more consideration, V and I concluded that the aroma could best be described as “High notes of burning, with a subtle undertone of death.” At least, that’s how it was best described from the back porch on the second floor. In the basement, the death was much more overt. I can only presume this is due to the basement’s closer proximity to the Underworld. Since money is tighter today than it was 10 days ago (and also since V is a good and kind person), we decided to see if we could determine the source of the problem on our own before calling in a professional – if nothing else, so we could figure out who to call. HVAC? Plumbing? Appliance repair? All options seemed possible on this magical day.
Step one, of course, was to determine whether the dryer or the water heater was the culprit. We started by running the dryer for a few minutes and waiting to be overwhelmed by the foul and mysterious odor. This failed to happen, which was both good and bad news – good news because I’m not qualified to do anything to the dryer at all, but bad news because the dryer is still under warranty so if there was something mechanically wrong with it, we would likely not be spending money to fix the problem.
So, on to step two. The best choice here would be to go back upstairs and see if running the hot water enough to make that water heater kick on would do anything interesting, but upstairs seemed rather far away, so V turned on the hot water in her unit and we stood around some more. Again, nothing. We considered that perhaps we had simply gotten used to the foul odor, but that seemed rather unlikely, all things considered.
V futzed with the air ducts above the water heaters, thinking that the first step would be to figure out how to easily disconnect the long piece that ran to all of them so we could better visualize the problem. I believe it was around this point that I saw something that might actually haunt me for a while:
